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Good Grief, What Good is it?

from: Evelyn Cole

Copyright 2006 Cole's Poetic License

"Consider how much more often you suffer from your anger and
grief than from those things for which you are angry and
grieved." Marcus Antonius

Emotions are feelings in motion. You can let them move on.

Turner Classic Movies recently showed Tennessee Williams, "A
Rose Tattoo." I watched as much as I could stand. The main
character grieved for her dead husband for three years! She
manufactured misery every day for herself and everyone around

She stewed in her own juice. That's a neat folk expression for
hanging on to anger. Have you ever had trouble letting go of
anger or grief?

What does hanging on to either feeling do for us? In the case of
grief we may think we're getting approval of others by staying

Hanging on to anger may give us a false feeling of vitality or
control. Letting go of either one is really quite simple.
Picture your anger as a raging fire in your outdoor barbecue and
then close the cover.

Picture your grief as a dripping faucet and then turn it off.
Sure, it will come back each time you long for whomever or
whatever you have lost, but you can just turn off the faucet

I grieved off and on for six months for my father after he died.
I never knew when the feeling would strike me to tears,
embarrassing me. Finally, I turned off the faucet and celebrated
his life.

I didn't know at the time that I was feeling sorry for myself,
giving myself a reason to be sad in order to get sympathic
approval of myself from myself.

We all have three basic needs: security, approval, and control.

Will you stop now and consider your own examples? When did you
last hang on to anger? What basic need did that satisfy?
Security or control? When we are angry we are not afraid. That's
why some people hang onto anger.

When we hang on to grief, wallow in it, we are not afraid
either. And, we have, or think we have, control over those
around us. They do things to console us that they would not do
if we weren't grieving.

We make decisions every day. Good grief, let's decide to drop
feelings of anger and grief as soon as they arrive. If we decide
to keep them around, we should ask ourselves if it's for
approval, security, or control.

Have a free day!

About the author:

Evelyn Cole, MA, MFA, The Whole-mind Writer, Cole's
chief aim in life is to convince everyone to understand the
power of the subconscious mind and synchronize it with goals of
the conscious mind. Along with "Mind Nudges" and "Brainsweep",
she has published three novels and several poems that dramatize
subconscious power.


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